Growth,

Why Failure Isn’t a Bad Thing

Let’s talk about THE F WORD…. Yep failure! & spoiler alert this blog is about Why Failure isn’t a Bad Thing AT ALL!

I shared on instagram stories how I felt like I was failing at almost everything, and was met with some really concerned responses. I know that these came out of love but also out of fear over failing and the word itself

To be clear – i do not believe failure to be a bad thing

I’m fairly straightforward and i thrive in situations where i have boundaries and definitions to reference, so let’s start there.

By definition failure means lack of success, that’s all. Think of it as a grade, there is a scale and if you land on one side of the scale it’s a pass and the other side is a fale, and that might be different depending on what you are measuring right? So i had a honors class where to “pass” you had to get a B or higher (not B-) so you needed like a 83% to “pass”; however i had other classes where a “passing” grade as a C or a D… each class had it’s own measure of success.

So just like those clases, i have established my own measure of success for myself – bc I know myself really well and i know what i’m capable.

PS: See the Behind The Scenes of this shoot

& a cute video we made too
^ shop what you see in the video:

To be clear, being successful and being your best are two different things. My best today might be 2 times better than my best was yesterday and vise verse, however on that sliding scale of personal success (pass Vs fail) i still have a certain standard, even if i can’t achieve it on a given day because of whatever factors.

Ok so why am i bringing this up? Wellllll after talking publicly about how i failed i got an influx of messages saying I was being too hard on myself because I used the F word… but to me “failure” is not bad… at all.

INFACT i welcome failure, i learn more & grow more from failing then i ever do from succeeding. Succeeding is where you get to after you grow, but to get there you have to fail forward through the lack of success. 

Now back to me being straight forward: if i’m judging myself on a project i either pass or fail. Meaning i ether fall short of my own expectations (fail) or exceeded them. I set these expectations based on all the years i’vehad getting to know myself. The expectations for todays’ project are probably higher than they were for last weeks bc i’m up for a challenge

About half the time i fail – and honestly that’s okay and normal for me. BUT this week imparticular i think i’ve given myself a failing grade on 90% of the things i’m doing. SO the only thing i’m actually “passing” is failing itself hehe

AGAIN- not a bad thing. I’ll learn more about myself with mass failure this week than i did last month where i was more successful, probably making the following moth one of my more successful ones to date. I’m failing up!

I know the word failure can freak people out, but not me. To be failure has always been just that, a metric of grading that you can learn from. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just A THING. So no, i don’t find that i’m being “too hard” on myself by being honest with myself in giving me an accurate grade. When measuring personal success the only metric that matters is your own, so no, it doesn’t matter if everyone else loves my work – if i know i can do better i’ll want to do better. End of story! 

I don’t minnnnd the “stop being too hard on yourself” comments but i do feel their maybe misplaced. It’s hard for me to comprehend why someone would be so upset that i gave myself a failing grade… because i dont find failing to be the problem

The problem is wth how we perceive failure. The word is soo triggering for so many that me using it immediately results in a contradictory defense, when the statement wasn’t up for debate.

In my opinion of my own self reflection i failed. Nothing in that sentence is negative, it’s just factual for me. Since it’s opinion based it’s not something up for debate. Sure, you can have a different opinion but that won’t change mine about myself – because really it’s not something negative enough that needs improving on

& maybe that’s the proble,? We so often fear failure that we when someone is self aware enough to admit: yep i’ve failed, i’ll od better next time. The reaction is so quick to dispute that opinion. Maybe instead of the defensive response a reactive : “that’s ok – what did you learn” would be best. This could resolut in more growth, conversation & acceptance. 

Because here’s the thing: i failed to meet the metric. Plain and simple, denying that doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t make me feel better and it doesn;t fix the issue. BUT if i accept & learn from the failure, then BOOM something successful did come from it: growth

Maybe i’m more straight forward and emotionless compared to the average person about failure. I think it comes from a combination of my background & my perfectionist nature. Growing up we were always accepted for our failures and encouraged to talk about what we learned from them. We never thought failure was a bad word, it was just a word that described how we did and how we could do better.

As for eprfectionists, i think they get a bad rap. I mean i’m probably not your typical one. I’m a realist first, so i set a realistic standard for each situation based on a variety of factors: then if i fail to meet the expectations i look at why to see if the cause was on me. Finally, i look at what i could have done differently and if the answer is nothing i let it go. The best way to describe it is i’m someone who always used to speed walk to the subway: because if i got there and it had just left then i would think “ohh well i did all i could” but if i was slow waking and just missed the train i would waste time wishing i hurried! 

My own high standard for myself are not based in a lack of self confidence or a result of being too hard on myself – infact their quite the opposite

I know o’m capable of greatness & i’m so confident in this that failing to achieve it is worth taking note “hey courtney – good job, but you can do better. I bet you will next time. You got this” i still praise myself for what i accomplished, i still celebrate the small wins but i don’t give myself a gold star when it’s not earned. Doing so further dilutes where I actually do hit it out of the park.

I dont take it personally when i fail, because failure isn’t a dead end – it’s a re route! So i enjoy the ride and take the growth that comes with it

Failure is growth & i love myself enough to embrace that. I want the same for you. BUT just as I know myself better than you do, you too know yourself better than anyone. So if fearing the world “failure” works best for you, i’m okay with that! But if you want to join me on the F train reroute, i’ll save you a seat. Enjoy the ride

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