Instagram Boyfriends & Blogger Husbands

Let’s talk about INSTAGRAM BOYFRIENDS, blogger husbands, or whatever you want to call them!

Today’s post is one I’ve been wanting to share FOR SO LONG bc its maybe my biggest pet peeve about this industry. Every time I speak on a panel I have a young girl come up to me after and say “I wish I had an Instagram boyfriend like Paris so I could do what you do” I DISAGREE ! you absolutely do not need a significant other to do this job, and I’ll prove it to you!

#COURTNEYANDPARIS

You guys probably know Paris, my fiance who takes most of my photos … NOW but you might not know we’ve been together since high school, way before I started blogging.

When I started blogging we were actually long-distance, and I was shooting all of my photos self-timer on a MacBook or point and shoot on my roof or garden at my apartment. I won’t lie and say the photos were good, or that it was easy because they weren’t and it wasn’t … but I did I (I’ll include some photos for you) When I first moved to new york, I was here alone so I would rely on new-friends (who are no longer in my life) to take photos, my self-timer, partnering with other photographers and even the occasional homeless person…

THAT ONE TIME I HIRED A HOMELESS FRIEND

There was a man who lived on my corner who I would often buy water bottles for. I know his name, and he was kind but he was also homeless. My blog was nothing and I got a random email from a magazine one day requesting photos for their pages. I FREAKED OUT and scheduled a friend to snap my photos. She said yes, but when then the time came she bailed (in her defense, she had something come up at work) I tried to take some self-timer shots before the approaching deadline but the light was so shadowy and weird there that it wouldn’t work, AND I NEEDED THEM NOW. so I went outside hoping to look for someone to snap a picture or a place I could self-timer without a tripod. I found my friend, in his usual spot and had an idea. I asked if he would snap the photo instead and told him I would buy him a meal in exchange. He did, and I bought him chipotle, 2 water bottles & left him with my remaining cash ($20) as a thank you. The photos were not good, or up to bar with the magazine. They didn’t use them, but the man continued to smile at me every day I walked by until we moved, so, all in all, it was an experience worth having

After that, I realized I needed to figure out a system. I started working with photographers negotiating discounted rates in exchange for promotion or referrals in some cases but always trying to pay when I could. If I was working with a brand on trade but needed photos, I would negotiate them to pay for the photographer. I would network at events and find bloggers friends without photographers, then work with them to shoot. I perfected self-timer shoots and explored indoor photography. I finally got it down, and then Paris moved to New York!

When Paris moved here I started to shoot more with him again, because it’s something we do and share together. It’s something he was interested in before I started blogging (he went to school for journalism) and he’s always been into photography. Before Color Me Courtney we would even do fun photoshoots on my roof in Arizona, in the desert or around my house (I’ll include some of those here too)

ALL THIS TO SAY that even though Paris LOVES taking photos and did before I even was interested in it, working together isn’t easy. We’re better now but for years we would fight every time we shot. We didn’t know how to communicate well, we were both learning (me how to pose & him how to shoot) and it was frustrating. We would take it out on each other, spend afternoons not talking after shoots and sometimes not even be able to deliver a finished product. It’s not like that now, we worked on it a lot but I think a big part of that is because 1) he was interested in this not from a color me Courtney POV and 2) we were together beforehand. I’ve talked to a lot of bloggers, especially OG ones who have had relationships end over some of the same issues Paris and I faced, and that’s not uncommon or even surprising. Working together is tough and it’s hard to put that additional pressure on a relationship, especially a new one

OH, and what happens if you do break up? Those are tough enough without having to do so publicly as a blogger and explain why your boyfriend who was so present on your page is now no longer a part of it. All those are some of the dark side issues never addressed when we talk about “blogger boyfriends” SO NO its not always as glamorous as it seems and NO you don’t need a significant other to do this job.

I KNOW I KNOW

You don’t believe me! and I don’t blame you since I actually DO work with my significant other. So I found some people who do most of it on their own, to help inspire you!

ANDREW broadway star turned influencer turned friend of mine takes 95% of his photos on his own with self-timer

“I learned pretty early that while Scott (his husband) was actually good at it, I could be more discerning if I just set my camera up on a tripod and took it until I got what I wanted” – Andrew

The control freak in me gets this and that’s why I sometimes shoot on my own for projects I’m not so sure about. To shoot requires a clear creative vision you can share with your partner, but when you’re still figuring it out it can be hard on the person behind the camera. So sometimes I just do it alone since I don’t even know what I really want from the photo

CELESTE is a favorite of mine! She is another self-timer queen who does almost all of her own photos. She has also taken on an intern at times to snap some for her and learn a bit too – LOVE THAT! Not only is she able to get great shots, but she’s also able to teach & mentor someone along the way too

OLIVIA is engaged, but not to her blogger boyfriend! When she started blogging she tested out photographers until she found one she clicked with, then she hired her long-term and formed more of a partnership! They were roommates at one point, travel the world together, and now no longer live in the same city BUT they still get together every so often and batch shoot. Plus she is her go-to for big collabs and major moments (like her wedding). Now in NYC, Olivia has bonded with friends in the industry (including her current roommate) so they can work together & photo trade when they need it. She’s done such a wonderful job of creating true partnerships in the industry while maintaining a fiance, not a “blogger boyfriend”

SUZY is married to a hilarious man, but she takes almost all of her own photos! She does really cool close up “in-studio” shots set up with a tripod. She’ll create a concept, do her own styling and then bring it all to life on camera with a self-timer or remote.

“Shooting your own content teaches you how to work a camera, edit, and completely follow through with a creative vision. One of my favorite aspects though, is that you can have full ownership and pride in what you created. Making yourself proud is so much more fulfilling than relying on validation from others. Get out there and try things that excite you! Don’t be afraid to fail, have fun in the process and you’ll always be learning and growing. ❤️” – Suzy

My friends Bobby & Keiko are both creatives, both with an intense skill in photography and videography. They’ve been together for years (pre-blogging) and have the ability to work together and also work alone. They have different styles in both photography and work so sometimes it makes the most sense for them to shoot separately. Other times, when traveling they’ll take turns shooting each other, making specific adjustments to meet the other’s needs. They are quite an impressive pair both on a personal and professional level.

All this to say, NO you don’t need a blogger husband or Instagram boyfriend to do this job, and having one might be harder than you think. BUT if you’re lucky enough to have someone (like Paris) who will share this job with you I hope you do not make the mistake of treating him like a blogger husband or Instagram boyfriend. Know that he (or she) is your partner both in life and in work, and always value the person over the professional side of it. I’m not saying you won’t fight or it won’t be hard, but there are ways to communicate and make it work 🙂